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Any Question Answered

Ask the online medium

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When Were You Born

The Internet Guru's Opinion of YOU

Decision Maker

Pet Horoscope

Astrology Compatibility


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Horoscope Online

We don't just predict the future - we make it happen. 

The world is changing rapidly - every day there are new innovations in science, technology and  cake decorating. Sometimes the world seems just too confusing - before long it will take a maths degree just to make a cup of tea! Our research has revealed that there have been more changes in the last 5 years than in the previous 500 hundreds years.

No wonder then that more and more people are turning to astrology to make sense of their future and to find stability in this turbulent world.  That is where Horoscope Online can help you. Our services are completely, totally and utterly free - whether you use them once a millennium or every single day. There are no charges, no catches, no small print (apart from that at the bottom of the page which you probably won't even bother reading ). So put a little certainty into your chaos and try out our fun to use services. 


What you will find at Horoscope Online

Personalised Instant Online Horoscope 

Our team of mediums, spiritualists, mind readers and orthodontists are waiting online to create a personalised daily horoscope especially for you. 

Get you lucky winning Lottery and Powerball Numbers

Win the lottery now!!!

Are you fed up trying the powerball and lottery week after week and winning absolutely nothing? Change your fortune with our lottery numbers & powerball lottery numbers predictor. Regardless of where you live we can help you get positive lottery results by predicting which numbers are likely to win in that area. 

When Were You Born?

Calculate the day of the week you were born. Birth date calculator.

In calculating horoscope charts it is always useful to know what day of the week the person was born. The calculator below does just that. Enter the details of when the person was born to find out what day of the week that was

Horoscope Online

Bringing calm into the chaos of life. 

  The Internet Guru's Opinion 

The Internet Guru is always watching and judging the people who use the internet. Every click you make, every search you break, he is watching you. Gradually, with his all knowing electrons,  the Guru builds up an opinion of every web browser. 

Want to know what the Internet Guru thinks of you? Then click the button if you dare!!  

Love Compatibility Calculator.

Met someone new and wonder if he/she is your sole mate? 

Have you been married for years but still doubt if you are compatible?

Let our love compatibility calculator analyse your compatibility.

Simple enter your full names (including middle names) Our computers will scan the internet for all information on each person, birth records, bank statement, police records, insurance information etc etc. Once all the data has been analysed our expertly programmed astrological database will determine whether the couple's compatibility factor and display it as a percentage.

Any Questions Answers

Are you always worried? Do you constantly have nagging doubts about everything and anything? Is there a little voice in your head that makes you feel insecure and unable to make decisions - does the voice sometimes make you eat too much or kill your brother?

Now your insecurity and doubts can be vanquished - instantly! Now you can make decision - WITHOUT anguish and pain!

Our simple, online answer generator is capable of analysing ANY question. Using the power of the internet  and simultaneously using thousands of computers even the most complex question can be answered in moments.

On addition to this we use all the astrologically data accumulated over hundreds of years to individualise the answers to provide you with the information you need for your particular situation.

So whether you need with a simple homework problem or are trying to solve a particularly violent crime, our problem analyser will help you.


  Ask the Online Medium

Worried? Uncertain? Undecided? Confused?

Don't Be! Ask our online medium any question that is troubling you. She will give you an instant, unbiased, helpful answer.  Stop your anxiety - ask now!

Horoscope Online

We know the future and everything it holds. 

Pet Horoscope

Coming SOON

Astrology Compatibility

Coming SOON

Decision Maker

Coming SOON

A few completely unbiased comments on Horoscope Online

"I discovered the site accidentally while searching for kinky photos but was amazed at how accurate the horoscope was. My life has been completely transformed, now I don't get out the bath without consulting Horoscope Online" - Randy McDougaladi

"The best astronomy website in the universe" Iva Nobrain

"High winds can be expected from the north but the afternoon should be sunny and dry." Daily Nationally News

"After using Horoscope Online's Lottery Numbers I won a fortune - sadly their business advice was not so accurate so now I'm bankrupt" Andy Smthe-Bhampot

"My dog used the pet horoscope and is now happily married to our gerbil" Ann Dover

"Thanks! My divorce is now complete. If it were not for Horoscope Online I would have struggled through life in the belief that I was happily married." Juergen Naught


No need to read beyond this line - honest!



The small print at the bottom of the page which you probably wont even bother reading

Horoscope Online offer the following free services to all visitors to this website. Use once or visit daily. It's up to you. Free online personalised horoscopes, horoscope compatibility for loving couples and threesomes , pet horoscopes for cats dogs mice hamsters etc, chinese horoscope for chinese and non chinese people and animals, Chinese zodiac signs for farmers and frogs, weather forecasting zodiac symbols and ping pong balls, bizarre horoscope predictions, daily chinese horoscopes and telescopes, pointless free horoscope online, astrology for the elderly, zodiac compatibility for love & romance & marriage & divorce, free astrology charts and garden plans, astrology compatibility ratings for morons, love horoscopes for courting couples and estranged lovers, free astrology projections and forecasts done by tealeaf, medieval knights of the zodiac and round table shopping lists, horoscopies and spiders, astrology compatibility and incompatibility ranking & rating for ultra rich millionaires, signs of the zodiac and traffic signs, love horoscope hate horoscopes, fun daily horoscope that make no sense at all, completely free but pointless daily horoscope, diaper changing service for busy mothers,  totally free daily horoscopes for gullible naturists and beachcombers, daily horoscopes for lawyers with difficult cases and little brains, feng sui horoscopy for weird people who believe in miracles and fairies, astrology charts for sailors who can't use navigational charts, love astrology for love struck teenagers who should be doing their homework.

More small print - the important part which you should read but have probably given up on because of all the rubbish written in the other small print. The webmaster of this website is probably insane or at least suffering from a very sick sense of humour. He thus can not be help responsible for any advice given on these web pages - for basically they are all nonsense. If you do fallow any advice on this site you are probably more insane than the webmaster - nevertheless you do so completely at your own risk. However, we feel that we must make the following points absolutely clear just in case you believe any of this nonsense : Free horoscope are free and online apart from that they are complete meaningless crap. Our pet horoscopes were written by a very poorly educated parrot and have no relevant meaning in the world of the sane. When we say chinese zodiac we do not understand what this means so can not talk intelligently on the topic. You can get as many free horoscopes on this website as you want whether you read your horoscope every minute or every day it will not be in any way relevant to your life. Our chinese horoscope page, should we ever create one will be exactly the same as our other predictions  - total nonsense. We do offer online horoscope compatibility which you may wish to use to determine whether to have sex with, adore or marry someone if you do this you are bloody stupid and should be locked up in a padded call!! Online zodiac signs have no meaning to us. Also zodiac symbols may be found on this site in the form of pictures or clip art you may use these if you want although I am sure you will steal them regardless of what we say. Remember any horoscope or  chinese horoscopes found on this website are complete figments of our imagination and probably randomly generated we have no psychic power or any means of telepathy by reading our horoscopes you are admitting that you are insane. We never use astrology to create zodiac compatibility and our free astrology charts. Instead we rely on our sick sense of humour and a northerly wind which makes any type of astrology compatibility impossible. If you are looking for love horoscopes then I suggest that you see a psychiatrist nothing you can find on any website will help you decide on a partner!! In fact, since our predictions are completely random you will find that they are probably more accurate than any other online prediction. Enjoy our free astrology forecast but remember all such predictions are nonsense. If you are a knights of the zodiac and enjoy horoscopies to determine astrology compatibility using signs of the zodiac to create impressive love horoscope then you will soon discover that this sentence is about to end without having had a purpose . . . So to sum up our point of view, enjoy taking our daily horoscope simple because we offer free daily horoscope not because our free daily horoscopes have any purpose in the lives on anyone with a brain. Simply enjoy the daily horoscopes because they make you laugh and have no value, point or purpose. This is true of our amazing feng sui horoscopy and the incredible insane astrology charts and love astrology. No stop reading the small print and get clicking on the website and have a few smiles. Remember, if you know someone who believes in astrology send him or her this link and make their day!!! Blah blah blah blah . . . . ZZZzzzzzzzzzzz


Link:  horoscope compatibility pet horoscopes astrology charts free online